OF SANTA CLAUS, CHILDREN NAUGHTINESS, AND VIRUS: A CHRISTMAS TALE

Keywords: Christmas, Xmas, Santa, Santa Claus, Christmas Eve, Xmas Eve, children, kids, virus, pandemic, SARS-CoV-2, flu, measles, naughtiness, naughty list, myth, popular belief, North Pole, deprivation, hospitals, United Kingdom, UK

- Testo in italiano alla fine del post -

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Ooooh, hello dear English speaking-reading-hearing visitor, welcome back to me, @sciencemug, the blog/podcast/twitter&instagram accounts/entity behind the unsuccessful e-shop stuffngo (sNg) on zazzle.com which tells you science stories while exploring all the 11 dimensions of spacetime while putting its virtual ear on them vibrating membranes hoping like that to catch the voice of a trans-dimensional entity of mighty wisdom talking about how to correctly answer your significant other’s question: ”does this dress make me look fat?”, aaand which talks to you thanks to the voice, kidnapped via a voodoo-wireless trick, from a veeery very very dumb human.

Aaand which does all of this in English-question-mark, a language that is to proper English what 2020 is to an even slightly not crappy year for human kind.

Today I’m gonna tell you a story that debunks (or not, who knows, dear wait-and-find-out reader) the notion according to which Santa Claus only visits children who well behaved during the year (and no, Santa, it’s not the outfit, you ARE fat!).

 

Santa Claus & the naughtiness issue (by @sciencemug)

[Badass Santa pic, by hue12 photography, is a free pic (source: Unsplash); adapted by @sciencemug]

 

Six scholars from Harvard and other universities and medical institutions of the USA and United Kingdom (UK), in 2016 publish a paper (P) on the science journal The BMJ (formerly know as the British Medical Journal), which, founded in 1840, “is one of the world's oldest general medical journals” (see) out there.

The six academics, led by at the time prestigious Kennedy scholarship owner John J Park (we’ll call the JJ6 from now on), decide to investigate whether it be true or not the commonly accepted opinion that Santa Claus (“also known as Saint Nicholas, St Nick, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle, Santy, or simply Santa” (P)) decide which kids to visit depending on their past year round good or bad behavior.

Now, the JJ6, to test this popular belief, select

THE TRUE REASON WHY THE NORTH MAGNETIC POLE IS MOVING TOWARD SIBERIA!

Hallo dear reader! So there's this thing called the World Magnetic Model (WMM), "a [data-based, mathematical representation] of the planet’s magnetic field that gives compasses dependable accuracy" (see) and is updated every five years.

Well, dear reader, the 2020 version of the WMM has just been released.

Given what it is, then, the World Magnetic Model shows where's at the North Magnetic Pole (aka Mr. NMP). This impalpable fella is indeed quite a walker as, since its formal discovery in 1831, it has already taken a 2250 kilometers (1400 miles) long stroll. Mr. NMP's been heading from Canada, westbound, toward Siberia, in Russia, at a pace that now is of about 40km a year (faster than the previous centuries, but slower than the 55km/year of the last two decades) (see).

Officially, the magnetic poles move (independently of each other) (see) 'cause the Earth's magnetic field is created, for its 95%, by the planet's moving, molten iron+nickel core (well, to be more specific, the inner core is solid, while the outer one is liquid and flows, and thus generates the geomagnetic field) (see).

But, ahah!, this dumb blog, dear reader, has another cartoon-explanation for that, and precisely for the NMP's expected future location, Siberia.
Oh, dear reader, before you go to the cartoon, a short but essential clarification: in this dumb blog's reality, Santa Claus lives in correspondence of the North Magnetic Pole, not at the North geographic Pole.

The real reason why the North Magnetic Pole moves toward Siberia (by @sciencemug)
[Free pic by Marcus Löfvenberg (source: Unsplash); adapted by @sciencemug]

Oh, dear reader, for your information, here you can find why it is important to update the WMM and to know exactly where the Magnetic North Pole be.

And, dear reader, for your information 2 - the return of the notions - the World Magnetic Model is released by the guys of the "National Centers for Environmental Information" (NCEI), in collaboration with the dudes of the "British Geological Survey" and those of the "Cooperative Institute for Research in Environmental Sciences" (CIRES).

The NCEI's is part of the "National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration" (NOAA). The NCEI "hosts and provides access to one of the most significant archives on earth, with comprehensive oceanic, atmospheric, and geophysical data" (see), and it is a source of environmental information, "products and services to private industry and businesses, local to international governments, academia, as well as the general public" (see).  

Ciao!

SAVE SANTA'S SHINBONE: THE HAPPY NEW YEAR POST! (PART2)

Ooooh hallo dear English speaking-thinking-reading visitor, welcome back to me @sciencemug, the blog that talks about science, the subterranean war penguins fight to overcome bunnies and become the new official Easter pets, and the pressing issue of carob addiction among the Santa’s reindeers.

Aaaand that does all of this in Eng?ish, a language that is to real English what Alien vs Predator was to a “non-commercial art driven only project”, “the soup of the day” to something one orders lightheartedly at the restaurant after having seen Fight club, aaaand homeopathy to something that actually work.

Sooo, there’re Dr. Donath and these five other scientists of the University of Basel who do an experiment to test the probability Santa Claus has to trip and fall and injury himself while doing his job on Xmas Eve.

The researchers recruit seventeen 20-40 years old, fit, healthy males for their experiment. A bunch of these guys is dressed up with Santa’s garb and handed up with a 20 kilograms [pick the joke about the metric-system AKA SI that you prefer and say it outloud three times in a row in front of a splintered mirror, then spit on your left hand and make a 180 degree turn on yourself… And realize that there’s no sense at all in it (I mean, I’m not talking of the SI, that’s absolutely rational and functional, no, I was referring to the things I mentioned after the SI)… Gee, are you always so gullible or is it just that there’s a sensible lack of oxygen in your brain since your stomach is sucking most of the blood given you’re still digesting all the food you've gulped down during the holidays?] heavy sack. This is the Santa Group (SG).  The other guys are in the Non Santa Group (NSG) and, as you can imagine, they dress normally and carry no sack.

All the volunteers take three tests, two to check their gait (a walk along a short path and a brief session on a treadmill), and one to monitor their sway (a short stand on a plate connected with sensors). The volunteers take all tests barefoot (in order to exclude anything that can alter their responses during the tests. Or, maybe, but it’s just a guess, ‘cause Donath et al’s initial idea, before it were sunk by the lack of funds, was to couple their experiment with that of a group of Lapp endocrinologists interested in determining the amount of sweat - and therefore the intensity of the stink - produced by Santa’s feet on Xmas Eve and to set, like that, the level of biohazard he represents for the children of the world exposed to high doses of his “residuals” on Xmas early morning SM’s Note).

I S.W.A.Y. (by sciencemug)

Moreover, the Donath’s volunteers go for the tests both while focusing just on them, and while doing at the same time also a

SAVE SANTA'S SHINBONE: THE XMAS POST! (PART 1)

Oooooh-oh dear... Well, maybe this time “Oh-Oh-Oh!” is more appropriate, so, oh-oh-oh dear English speaking-thinking-reading visitor, welcome back to sciencemug, the blog that sings Xmas songs backwards and in Eng?ish [a language that is to proper English what  “human beings lived among the dinosaurs” is to something coming from a functional brain (well, or, simpler, from a brain tout-court)] while swimming, like a drunk dolphin which fights a Jaws-Grinch-Tibetan goat (those goats, they are mean ungulates!) mixed giant outcome of a genetic experiment spiraled out of control of a lunatic owner of a strange hot-dogs factory -breath now- in a pool filled with eggnog expired in the spring of 1963 and nonetheless still very appreciated by Bernard and the jellies for its fresh mango and hot-Mexican-chili aftertaste.
 
Welcome to the Xmas post of this year, a post about Santa Claus and a bunch of physicians from Switzerland who publish a research paper on the science journal “Gait  &  Posture” to say how Mr Claus’ old age("[r]eferring to his white beard and deep voice, it seems widely accepted that SC is a more or less old grandpa  above the age of 65" Donath et al, 2015; P)&fatness&heavy carrying the bag full of presents (and, probably, of dozens of some kind of “candy” the bearded grandpa takes to enhance his delivery performance SM’Note)&multi-tasking Xmas eve’s activity make him a perfect candidate to fall and smash his hip/leg/name-a-bone-of-the-icon’s-body and therefore ruin the X day to each and every child (and probably some adult, and for sure Bernard and his/her/its jellies too) of the world (and the universe*).
 
Soooo, dear dear reader, let’s examine in depth the research of Doctor Donath (whom I’ll call DD from now on, ‘cause, well, c’mon, DD, it’s just a colon away from a super-enthusiastic emoticon and I’m experiencing a shortage of ideas to stretch this part of the post) and five other fellas scientists of the University of Basel who do an experiment to test Santa Claus’ risk factor to fall during his busy Xmas eve of work. 
The researchers -probably after their brains suffered an overload of energy when they broke the European-non-UE-members all time record of dark chocolate group’s intake during a single session of  “Bite-and-Design an Experiment” table game** for people with no family history of acne and gastrointestinal stormy behaviour- select 17 people.
 
These chosen ones [well, it’s almost an holy mission afterall, like that of the Blues Brothers, AKA BB (so now we just have to find two other almost-holy missions led by somone that can be nicknamed AA and CC and we are done for this post)] are all males with these characteristic: “age:  30+/-10  years;  height: 179 +/-6 centimeters [oooh man up, stop whining and learn to use the SI like the rest of the world for Santa’s sake! SM’sN];  weight:  76+/-7  kilograms [see previous spiteful advise]; […] physical  activity:  12+/-4  h/week” (P). Besides, they all "still believe in Santa Claus" (P). 
So, in short, DD and colleagues use healty fit young (gullible?) guys for their very peculiar experiment (which will be referred to, from now on, the “Save Santa’s Neck experiment” or “SSNe”).
 
The aim of SSNe is to determine wheter and how much a person’s capability to walk or simply stand normally is compromised when that person has precisely to walk or stand but at the same time he has also to carry a bag full of heavy stuff, wear a costume designed for a plump-to-obese magic character, and he also has to do all of that while his mind is involved in same kind of mental exercise.

Merry Xmas by @sciencemug

So, first the 17 Santa’s Dudes (17SDs) are randomly divided in two groups. One, the Santa’s Group (SG), wears the official Santa’s garb, that is “robe,  beard,  hair” (P) and carry a  sack which our nice scientists fill with 20 kg of stuff (Dr Donath and colleagues don’t mention the exact nature of the content of the sack, although, well, rumor has it that kittens were involved and that the ethical committee of the university closed one eye in exchange of three of the nine existing infamous Swiss cuckoo clock of the legendary 1887 limited edition, with the chromed birds and even the cuckoo's sound done by the most famous and gifted contralto of that time whose name, unfortunately, can’t be disclosed here ‘cause she was also the most talented Swiss chocolate industry’s spy of the world of the XIX century and her anonymity's still protected as a state secret). 
The other group of volunteers, the non-SC  group, wears  normal  clothing instead.
Moreover, the members of both groups have to take physical tests, and they have to take them either while doing also a mental exercise, and while focusing just on the assigned task instead.

Now, I know you reader are wondering how the DD’s research band manage to  lure 17 young lucid men into such an odd experiment. Have they bribed them with chocolate? Naa, too obvious. Have they blackmailed them with the threat to post on PronounTube compromising videos of each "volunteer" while he tries to open a Swiss knife for more than three hours in a row without success and then hysterically bursts into tears and desperately calls for mommy and eventually finds comfort in a tasty piece of cheese and the tale of some cliché about his own homeland? Naa, too complicated. “Then how?” you are now screaming to the screen of your –eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh big breath now too- laptop/iSomethingveryexpensievemaybeevennotfullyusefulsinceyoualreadyownthepreviousmodelbut”Imusthaveit’causeithasafruitasalogosoitistheholygrailofcoolnessplusitiszeropointhalfahairprobablyfullofdandruffthehairnottheelectroniciDevicethinnerwiderlightersmallerbiggerbrighterthenever/pc?
Well, dear reader, it’s simple: DD and colleagues lie to the 17SDs.
The researchers… Oh well, I think it’s worthy you read their own words: “[w]hilst  the  investigator  constantly  giggled  about  the genuine  study  purpose,  the  included  volunteers  were  unaware of  the  study  aim.  By  incorporating  a  dummy  camera  system,  we claimed  to  be  conducting  a  ‘‘shame  study’’  in  order  to  measure neuromuscular  performance  when  dressed  in  a  humiliating  SC outfit  so  as  to  maintain  unbiased  participant  testing.”(P) Ah, those canny evil scientists…
 
Soo, to recap, DD and his lab accomplices want to understand how big is Santa Claus’ actual risk to fall and possibly injury himself while doing it’s job on Xmas eve.
To do that, the researchers plan a very peculiar experiment and trick 17 dudes (the 17SDs) into taking part to it.
The sly scientists randomly divide the 17 volunteers into two groups: some of the guys wear a Santa's suite, heavy sack included (SC group); the other guys, instead, are dressed normally and have no sack (non-SC group).
DD and colleagues then make the volunteers of both groups take physical tests while they do also a mental exercise and while they don’t. 

Sooo, dear reader, what are, in detail, the tests and the mental exercises? Well, let’s start with the mental task and let the DD’s wild bunch explain it to you: “the names  of  two reindeer [***] were  briefly  displayed  to  the  participant  on  a sheet  of  paper  which  the  participant  was  asked  to  memorize.  Then, the  participant  was  asked  to  spell  backwards  every  3rd  letter  of  the reindeer  names  in  a  loop  until  completing  the  trial.  The  number  of successful  completion  of  the  names  and  mistakes  were  counted.”(P) [Well, I am a brainless cheap blog, ok, but I think it’s cruelty to force someone’s brain to try something like that SM’sN].
 
As for the physical tests, well, they are three. The 17SCd, indeed, walk on a walkway sprinkled of sensors (the “[s]patiotemporal  gait  analysis”  (P)); they walk on a treadmill full of sensors (the “[t]readmill  gait  analysis” (P)) ; they stand on a plate loaded with sensors (the “[s]tatic  standing  balance  testing”, (P)). 

With these three tests DD&co, besides satisfying their obvious fetish for sensors, can measure the 117SDs’ “[s]patiotemporal  gait  parameters  (walking velocity,  gait  variability  and  stride  time,  length  and  width),  ground  reaction  forces  (GRF)  (left-  and  right-sided heel  strike  and  push  off)  and  postural  sway” (P).
 
Sooo, let’s understand better the three tests, ok? Ok.
 
But not now. Naaa. Next time. Now there’s a url about the pasticcio di lasagne, the ganasetta, the Refosco and the panettone waiting for me. Till next time, then, dear English reading-thinking-speaking visitor!




The paper this post is about (P)
- Donath, L., Roth, R., Lichtenstein, E., Elliot, C., Zahner, L., and Faude, O. (2015). Jeopardizing Christmas: Why spoiled kids and a tight schedule could make Santa Claus fall? Gait Posture 41, 745-749.


*
Bernard’s whereabouts are not known, so, to say “and the galaxy” might have been a colossal mistake. So, to let the sleeping William Will Whatever lie, the extent of the hypothetical disappointment has been classified as universal (although it could be even overstrecthed to “multiversal”… You never know, right?)

**
The table game is available in every toy-store with a symbol of a limping unicorn with a Betty Boop disguised as Darth Vader that has to pee badly tattooed on its hind left leg (just above the nail) drawn with an ink which is visible only on the 13th hour of the winter solstice of an odd year when flashed with the light of a candle made of wax mixed with lemon juice and cashews powder on the top right angle of the wall of the store that faces the south east corner of the second to biggest building of the nearest town with a population of exactly one million seventy three people.

***
The researchers, on their paper, write the names of all the reindeers, and I know, dear reader, that you are already trying to remember all of ‘em… But I am not posting the names. Buahahahahaha… Not now at least… Buhahahahahahahaha… You have to wait for the second and final part of this post to know them. And you’ll have to read all of it, because I am randomly dropping the names in the post, and not listing them all together... Buhahahahah… Or, well, you just can google them… Right. Right… Damn! My marketing strategy is weaker than I thought...

HO HO HO!

by sciencemug


Happy Holidays 'n Merry Newtonmas Everyone!

THE NIGHT BEFORE XMAS: SANTA'S SECRET

by sciencemug

See tomorrow's cartoon for the proper ending...